Rings (aka The Ring 3) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Idiots get in over their heads after watching the cursed video tape and angering the spirit of Samara.

Review: Twelve years after "The Ring 2," and multiple delays later, we finally get "The Ring 3" or "Rings" as they moronically decided to call it despite there already existing a short in this franchise with that title. Come to think of it, they basically ripped off the short which is technically canon since it leads directly into the events of "The Ring 2." Well, huh. Nice going jackasses. Anyway...after my initial viewing I just thought "Rings" was okay--better than I thought it would be truthfully. Seven days later and I realized this movie was pure garbage! It's just like that piece of shit "The Force Awakens" in that it's a glorified fucking remake masquerading as a sequel! "Um, it's called a soft reboot," says smug retard. No, it's called selling the same movie twice. "Rings" essentially follows a beat for beat retelling of the first movie which was already a damn remake...of a remake...of a film based on a book. Oh for the love of fuck, let this shit sink in! We are talking derivative-ception.

The story starts off okay with some dude getting killed on a plane followed by a professor stumbling across the plane-guy's tape at a flea market or something. I love how Samara appearing on a plane doesn't make the news. Later on, things go downhill when we meet our cornball leads. The guy, Holt, ends up in that professor's class where the professor is using his students to study the effects of watching the tape, hoping to find proof of the afterlife or whatever bullshit. I know I'm making it sound stupid, but this idea is actually somewhat decent and along the lines of what the short was trying to depict. As people watch the tape and become cursed, the professor arranges for the individuals to pass the tape on and further continue the experiment on unwitting pawns. However, some chickadee ends up getting killed by Samara who also happened to claim Samara's spirit has grown restless with her tape being manipulated. Again, this all would be cool if not for the leads--enter the female lead, Julia. After Julia watches the tape, things go a bit differently with the tape's events changing and no longer able to be copied. This means they need to analyze new shots and figure out what Samara is trying to say. This leads the couple to the town where Samara's body was buried after the events of part 1. Through all manner of shenanigans, we come to learn that this town is where Samara's real father lives who is a blind priest. Also, Samara's real mom from part 2 was supposedly held captive and raped by this priest in his dungeon. Oh goodness gracious. Why didn't they just stick with the implication presented in part 1 with Samara's "adoptive" mother simply being unable to conceive and using other, alternative, measures to create Samara? Besides, who even remembers anything from part 2? I'm trying to forget! So the blind priest suddenly becomes the villain as they try to free Samara's body because...why not, right? After freeing Samara's soul, and burning the body, we come to the shocking conclusion that Samara is really evil and begins sending digital copies of the cursed tape all over the internet. Hmm, Samara actually being evil...where have I heard this before? Then, magically, Julia becomes Samara. Whaaaat? Sure, if this were reality, of course Samara would try to trick other people into helping her, but, from a narrative perspective, the audience already fucking knows this truth! It's boring, repetitive, and outright lazy writing.

It's not all terrible though. The film looks good and Samara looks more intimidating like she did in part 1. Though...she's a little girl--stop casting adults to play her. Speaking of our girl, I did appreciate the use of old footage with Daveigh Chase. At least someone in editing realized that Ms. Chase defined the role and made it memorable. Despite only delivering a handful of lines of dialogue, she so perfectly captured that evil, creepy little girl persona. She IS Samara--she can't be as easily replaced like the Sadako character who is merely a wig and a white dress. Beyond that, there are a few decent scares scattered about. Likewise, I did appreciate the basic premise of the story before it descended into sheer idiocy. However, the good ideas are stolen directly from the short...so do they really deserve any credit whatsoever?

I had planned to give "Rings" an average rating, but I have to take points away for basically repeating the same plot line as the first film. The only originality comes from the short with the same title so, realistically, this is nothing more than stolen ideas with a shiny finish. The main characters are annoying and nowhere near as likable as Rachel, Noah, and Aidan. Making matters worse is the ridiculous ending that makes no damn sense whatsoever. Hell, if Samara is "reborn" shouldn't she at least look alive? I might have given a bonus point if they brought back a grownup Ms. Chase just for that one scene. Obviously I don't recommend this unless you need closure in your life. If you never watched "The Ring" then you will probably see this more favorably, but why on earth would you do such a thing? Twelve years waiting for this is sickening. The material should have been put into capable hands that could have taken the story to a new place rather recycling old material. This is especially troubling when we consider the Japanese franchise has also destroyed their credibility too. Goddamn, son!

Notable Moment: When Samara appears outside the bathroom window. I knew this was going to happen! It was too good of a concept to waste so I'll give credit where credit is due.

Final Rating: 4/10