Seventh Moon Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A couple honeymooning in China find themselves in the middle of nowhere and pursued by strange creatures.

Review: This could have been a decent, East meets West kind of production, but what we get is a dizzying nightmare. The camerawork is fucking HORRENDOUS! Imagine mixing schizophrenic-chic editing with trying to watch a movie on a roller coaster while high on meth. Yeah. Your equilibrium will be turned to Swiss cheese long before the credits roll around. What the ducky were they thinking?! Other than that huge ass, glaring flaw that makes the film almost unwatchable--ya know, the important part--"Seventh Moon" takes a cool premise and does not even come close to delivering on the goods. Oh, wow, a bunch of a naked albino guys running around in high grass...scary stuff there. For creatures called "moon demons" they sure didn't put much effort in conveying something that represents that name.

Right off the bat they screwed up the story with the dynamic of the lead characters, Mel and Yul. I love the idea of a couple honeymooning in China during Ghost Month, but the actors have no chemistry and the characters are written too poorly. I like Amy Smart, but her character is especially annoying and completely unsupportive. Bitch is seriously whining about her injured, possibly dying, husband falling asleep?! Plus, they are supposed to be deeply in love to the point that Yul would sacrifice himself yet I don't feel that kind of bond whatsoever. In fact, they struck me more as a couple getting divorced within the first year! Meh, none of this matters when you're too dizzy to think clearly. When we do meet these "moon demons" we get absolutely no backstory since they're not really jiving with the beliefs surrounding Ghost Month's lore. Why do they hang out at this one village in a cave? They must be supernatural if they can disappear and turn someone into a "moon demon" through some kind of psychic praying (hell if I know). However, if they're supernatural why are they so damn weak and cowardly? We see no impressive feats that would imply any reason why the villagers can't kill these chumps. But somehow candles can keep them at bay and there's a weird voice on the radio? And Mel and Yul need to bang before getting sacrificed? I mean, sure, why not, but...whaaaaaaat? The movie just ends out of nowhere too with no resolution except Yul has now joined the ranks of naked albino men frolicking off in Kayako-land I suppose. Yippee.

I'm giving "Seventh Moon" a shit rating, but, even then, I feel as though it's generous. Seriously, for some this may be unwatchable due to the camerawork. In fairness, I thought the core premise held potential--though squandered--and there are cool ideas sprinkled throughout. Likewise, there were some non-idiotic decisions like using respectable makeup effects for the creatures in the fleeting milliseconds when the camera was steady. However, it's virtually impossible to ignore the nausea-inducing scenes, annoying characters, and general lack of plot details. Definitely avoid this film, but, if you intend to ignore my warning, just make sure you pack your barf bag.

Notable Moment: When one of the "moon demons" is charging at Mel yet is edited out existence. I guess that's one way to resolve a conflict.

Final Rating: 4/10